


I've fallen in love with someone

by carxies



Series: I'm still only a human [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Daishou might look dangerous but I believe he's a cutie, Dialogue Light, Getting Back Together, I personally don't think this is too angsty but .., M/M, Slice of Life, Terushima-centric, That's why he's like this in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-16 10:14:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7263862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carxies/pseuds/carxies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Terushima waits to hear his own heart shatter into pieces, but that doesn’t happen. He doesn’t fall to his knees like actors in movies do, his cheeks don’t get covered with waterfalls of tears. Instead, it’s more like a black hole swallowing his soul and leaving him too numb to do anything except giving a tiny smile. His now ex lover continues watching him with a worried gaze, however Terushima cannot bring himself to react for good few seconds. Heartbreak doesn’t feel like they show on TV.</p><p>Or, Terushima makes some mistakes this time</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“I’ve fallen in love with someone.“

 

Terushima waits to hear his own heart shatter into pieces, but that doesn’t happen. He doesn’t fall to his knees like actors in movies do, his cheeks don’t get covered with waterfalls of tears. Instead, it’s more like a black hole swallowing his soul and leaving him too numb to do anything except giving a tiny smile. His now ex lover continues watching him with a worried gaze, however Terushima cannot bring himself to react for good few seconds. Heartbreak doesn’t feel like they show on TV.

 

It makes sense now. All the avoided touches and looks, all the missed calls and texts without a reply. Terushima almost laughs, because it is so clear now that he doesn’t understand how he could overlook it.

 

He doesn’t start a fight or anything like that, he wishes the man the best as they part ways. Terushima _can’t_ blame him for such thing, especially when his ex boyfriend sat down with him and explained everything from the beginning, making sure to tell that nothing had happened between him and his new love. Terushima _can’t_ blame him; such things happen and the man didn’t cheat on him, simply fell out of love and told not to lead him on. The thing is, Terushima _needs_ someone to blame. He can’t blame his boyfriend and he can’t blame the third person, so naturally, the blame falls on his own shoulders.

 

It is heavier with each day he wonders just where he went wrong. He knows that people go through many emotions after breakups - rage, anger, jealousy, sadness. However, he doesn’t destroy things around himself, he doesn’t shout and pull his hair. He doesn’t hate the man who’s won over him and he doesn’t cry. There’s only an odd emptiness and _these_ thoughts.  Maybe he held the man’s hand so tight to leave bruises and maybe his grip wasn’t strong enough to make him stay. If he behaved differently, he wouldn’t leave him. There are just so many maybes and ifs.

 

He isn’t able to stop his curious fingers from sliding across the screen of his phone, revealing what he would prefer to stay unseen. It’s been just a week, however the man he loves is already in embrace of someone else, smiling so happily for the picture that it makes him want to puke. The worst thing is, Terushima _can’t_ blame him.

 

The sad faces his friends make, when he meets them after days of hiding his own face, are almost disgusting. He would much rather see them laugh it off, say there’s plenty of fish in the sea. Instead, they both turn to look at the photos that are still hanging on the wall like nothing has happened. Terushima almost laughs at this, almost.

 

“You need a ‘Daichi box’,” Bokuto states as he stands up from the sofa.

“I need what?” Terushima asks, not sure if he’s heard right.

“A ‘Daichi box’,” the man replies, “Take everything that reminds you of him and put it in the box.”

 

He laughs this time, because he doesn’t know where he would begin with that. His friend seems to be serious, however. He starts considering this and when his other friend agrees with the statement, he gives in. They indeed create a ‘Daichi box’. It’s full of pictures and old gifts and even little things like the socks Daichi had always borrowed from Terushima when he stayed over. The shirt he wore when he helped Terushima paint the bedroom also finds its new place in the box. It is the little things that hurt the most.

 

Although he and Daichi agreed to stay friends, Terushima never contacts him again, purely out of his selfishness to protect himself. Weeks pass by, the rain hitting his window gets replaced by snow, and the longer nights give him more time to just sit in the middle of his bed on his own. Then the snow melts and everything blooms again, except Terushima’s heart stays as cold as ice. He ignores every single advice about moving on that he gets, because maybe he simply doesn’t want to move on. Or maybe he’s too scared to let go and open up again.

 

The new semester starts sooner than he knows it. That’s when Terushima meets him – he’s running late with a coffee in his hand and t-shirt upside down. He sits beside Terushima and normally, he would definitely comment on the piece of clothing that has been put on wrong, but the guy’s glare is sharp enough to make him grit his teeth and stay quiet. The guy doesn’t change his seat as the days go on. And neither does Terushima. It’s only a matter of time until they’re talking and chuckling together. Daishou’s tongue is as sharp as his eyes and his voice as pleasing as his face.

 

It all starts innocently. They hang out outside the class as well, go eat some junk food, play stupid games in the shopping centre and laugh at pictures of fat animals. And then he kisses Daishou. He isn’t sure why, but he’s always wanted all that wasn’t his – and Daishou is right there, belonging to no one.

 

Terushima honestly doesn’t think this could go far. But he finds himself in Daishou’s arms while his lips trace Terushima’s neck and it feels so wrong, yet so good, because Daishou is looking at him and only him. Terushima knows it’s wrong when they start dating, he knows he cannot offer his love, but that doesn’t stop him from sleeping in Daishou’s bed and wearing his clothes to the class the day after.

 

The black hole doesn’t disappear, it stays with him, a reminder that he still loves Daichi. It makes him want to throw up something, because he _tries_ , he tries to fall for Daishou. He tries to love the way Daishou laughs and the way he sleeps. He craves to feel breathless when Daishou looks at him. But it doesn’t happen. The guilt slowly eats him alive and he gives up, deciding it’s better not to care than be scared.

 

He messes with the bad guys often enough. And while Daishou waits for him till he can’t see thanks to the darkness outside, Terushima brings only his bruised self, hours late, instead of flowers to their dates. He wants to bring him pretty things, he does, but everything loses its beauty once he touches it. Daishou worries about him, worries to the point of crying his eyes out, but Terushima only shrugs it off and kisses him till his sobs turn into moans, a guilty pleasure to Terushima’s ears.

 

Terushima wishes he could kiss him simply to make him feel alright, warm and safe, but all softness vanishes from his touches. He wishes he could share his dreams and fears, but his mouth stays shut instead. He wishes he could fall in love with Daishou, however he’s already given his heart to someone else.

 

 

 

“I want to break up,” Daishou says, his gaze anywhere but on Terushima, “I’m done leaving mess behind me only to follow you.”

 

Terushima barely reacts, which probably hurts the other man even more as he picks up his jacket. “Won’t you say something?” he asks, tears gathering in his eyes.

 

Terushima doesn’t say anything.

 

-

 

“Well, he was kinda dangerous anyway,” Kuroo says.

 

“Dangerous? You can’t be serious,” Terushima laughs so much he tears up, ”Daishou? Man, that guy let his little cousin put pink hairpins all over his hair and try lipsticks on him. And one time, oh god, that one time, he was so happy just because a puppy remembered him and jumped on him.”

 

Kuroo gives him a weird look while he wheezes and continues: “And, listen to this, his planer is full of anime stickers and he names nonliving objects, like his laptop has a name!”

 

The man in front of him doesn’t giggle like Terushima expects him to and that’s when he realises that he’s still crying, but no longer because of the same reason. “And .. His smile is really pretty, but his laugh is all ugly, high-pitched and he snorts,” Terushima sobs and wipes his eyes, “And when we met, his t-shirt was upside down.. And .. I fucked up, he really cared for me and I really fucked him up.”

 

After 14 months, he finally hits the breaking point. He finally goes through the many emotions after breakups - rage, anger, sadness. He throws his cup against the wall and watches it break, he curses himself and he cries until he runs out of tears.

 

 

 

Few sleepless nights later, he gathers the courage to meet his personal nightmare – Daichi and his boyfriend. He sits in front of them, bravely facing their happiness. For the first time in months, he can honestly say he’s happy for them. Sugawara’s laugh when Daichi jokes around is nothing like Daishou’s, yet he can’t help but remember it, along with many other things. He remembers the way Daishou frowns in his sleep, a cute pout of his lips and furrowed eyebrows.

 

“So, what about you?” Daichi asks him with a smile.

 

It makes sense now. All the touches and looks, all the calls and texts late in the night. Terushima almost laughs, because it is too late now and he doesn’t understand why he couldn’t feel like this sooner.

 

 

“I’ve fallen in love with someone,” he replies, his own lips curling at the bittersweet words.


	2. Chapter 2

Daishou goes back to his previous seat, far from Terushima’s, and back to his previous beauty, long before the terrible relationship ruined his pretty face with wrinkles and dark circles of worry. The man laughs again after weeks of shedding tears for Terushima. Watching him feels like someone is ripping Terushima’s ribs apart to release the pain setting between them.

 

He decides he deserves it and continues looking after Daishou from distance. He picks the notes he has forgotten in the library and gives them to Daishou’s friend. The spare key of Daishou’s key finds its way back under the flowerpot. Terushima decides to create another break up box. However, Daishou hasn’t left anything to be stored away and that’s when Terushima realises he has nothing but blurred memories.

 

Daishou comes to him a month later, only to give him the things Terushima’s never wanted back. Terushima’s apology stays unaccepted in the air as Daishou turns way far from him. Terushima is too dazed to speak, too hypnotized to react, and Daishou slips out of his grip once more. He loses any trace of him after that. He disappears from the dorms and is nowhere to be seen at the college. Maybe Daishou is good at hiding and maybe Terushima just isn’t searching enough.

 

The time doesn’t stop, it flows steadily until Terushima learns how to live with the pain growing inside of him, trapped between his chest. It’s been three months now, and every single day leaves him wondering where Daishou has gone. Is oblivion erasing Terushima’s name already? Is his face aging with the grace it has always had?

 

The answers stay unknown just like the location of Daishou. Terushima tries to question his friends, but they know as little as he does, until one of them takes Terushima aside to tell him Daishou is no longer attending the college. He gives up, however, something brings him back to Daishou.

 

 

 

In the darkness of the still cool streets, he finds him all alone, shaking cold, his fingertips turning blue. There, late in the night, Terushima finds Daishou left to freeze till the morning. The man doesn’t reply to Terushima’s questions and he doesn’t accept his help either. With a heavy heart, Terushima returns home only to stay awake all night, praying for Daishou to make it until the sun comes up again.

 

The next day, he returns, however, Daishou isn’t there anymore. Terushima spends the whole day looking for him, fear bubbling in him as he browses the streets until he spots the man again. This time, he will force him if he has to, Terushima thinks. The snow is falling heavily now, quickly covering them both as Terushima blocks the way when Daishou tries to escape.

 

“Please, let me help. You don’t have to talk to me, you can go on hating me, just.. Just let me take you home.”

 

He doesn’t fight Terushima, the numb limbs barely listening to him as Terushima drags him to the warmth of his flat, away from the cold dirty ground. Just when they stand in the bathroom he really looks at his ex lover.

 

“What happened to you?” Terushima mumbles, more to himself than the man in front of him. No reply. With trembling hands, he takes off Daishou’s heavy coat.

 

“What are you doing?” Daishou mutters, his gaze almost stabbing Terushima, although he doesn’t stop him.

“You need a bath to warm up.”

“Don’t touch me.”

 

The words don’t come out harsh but rather self-conscious as he turns his face away from Terushima’s eyes. Terushima takes the hint and walks out of the room, leaving Daishou alone. He takes off his own clothes covered in snow, his mind going crazy, because after months, Daishou is so close, yet so far. He returns minutes later with clean clothes only to find Daishou sinking in the bath tub, sobbing as he rubs his body.

 

“Let me help.”

 

Daishou lets him this time, allows him to sit down on the floor beside the tub and wash his back gently while he continues crying quietly. “Whatever it is, you’re not on your own,” Terushima whispers, “I’m here for you, even though we broke up.”

 

“You don’t understand, do you?” Daishou turns to face him and frowns at him in disbelief, “They all knew what an idiot I am, they all knew and saw me waiting and hoping that maybe you will feel something for me. And they laughed at me behind my back because they all knew that you were rather drinking and getting into fights than coming to our dates!”

 

The man lets out an ugly sob and his scowl deepens. “And the worst thing is, I knew as well, but I still waited for you like an idiot. I just wanted you to see me while you were always looking for someone else. So don’t tell me this bullshit!”

 

Terushima knows he’s right.

 

“God, I wish I never spoke,” Daishou mumbles and sinks deeper in the water, his hands gripping the edges of the tub.

 

Terushima’s hand moves on its own, it sneaks over Daishou’s and remains there, gentle touch on the cold skin. Daishou lets out another broken sob and that’s all it takes for Terushima to throw his pride away, squeezing Daishou’s fingers. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

 

It’s only when they lie on Terushima’s bed, side by side, that Daishou tells him how his parents kicked him out of home and he couldn’t afford to stay in school.

 

 

 

Although Daishou forgives him, Terushima is still scared to be close to him, especially when Daishou lives with him. Weeks pass by, the snow melts and everything blooms again, and even Terushima’s heart warms up once more.

 

It all starts like it did before. They hang out, eat some junk food, play stupid games in their living room and laugh at pictures of fat animals. And then Daishou kisses him. Terushima isn’t sure why he did it, but he’s been waiting for Daishou– and Daishou is right there, ready to belong to him once more and whoever let Daishou go is a fool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you find any mistake, it's because I'm writing this late in night and have no idea what I'm doing anymore  
> Also, I'm sorry if you expected more fluff, but I really suck at writing it and I have no idea how it works

**Author's Note:**

> I got my tongue pierced, and Terushima was one of my inspirations, so of course, when my tongue is all swollen and I suffer, I felt like making him suffer as well (even though I love him so much)
> 
> I might write second part, but I'm not sure now, thanks to my writer block


End file.
